


Just A Bunch'a Humans

by Moondragon8



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-15 19:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18079379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moondragon8/pseuds/Moondragon8
Summary: Steven Universe is a normal human boy who lives with his parents-no wait, guardians-and his mom is dead. But his dad is alive, but not taking care of him because...er....Well, it's not important.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Just a Normal Coffee Shop](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9296291) by [airamcg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/airamcg/pseuds/airamcg), [CompletelyDifferent](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CompletelyDifferent/pseuds/CompletelyDifferent), [CoreyWW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW), [FourFaces](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FourFaces/pseuds/FourFaces). 



> I suppose it's sort of a spoiler to say that this is inspired by Just A Normal Coffee Shop, but it is. This pic differs significantly in a few key ways, but I love the concept of an AU that slowly reveals itself to be not what it seems, so I played around with it a bit and rather like the result!  
> This was also written pre-Reunited, so results may vary.

It was a bright June day, the 12th. Steven was going to get ice cream. Garnet was walking with him, and Amethyst was on the other side. 

Pearl Gem, Amy Crystal, and Garnet Love had taken him in as the closest friends of his mom when she died. He had a dad, but he lived in a truck, so the Gems were taking care of him.  

“What ice cream do you want, Steven?” Garnet asked. 

“Strawberry!” Steven said.

They bought him a strawberry, plus a cherry for Garnet, and a vanilla for Pearl, and a double scoop peppermint and peanut butter for Amethyst.

Pearl let hers melt. 


	2. Chapter 2

It was a sunny June day at the beach, June 13th, and Steven Universe was spending it with his adoptive parents.

Steven skipped happily down the beach. “Guess what!” he said delightedly to them.

“What is it?” asked Garnet.

“Connie asked me to come over!”

“Delightful,” Garnet said.

“I haven’t been to her house in ages!” Steven said. He frowned. It had been oddly long. He must have been away on a trip or something. He hadn’t seen her since May, when-

Probably nothing.

Steven smiled and concentrated on Connie and the upcoming playdate.

 

“Steven!” Connie cried in relief. “It’s so good to see you!”

Steven hugged her. “You too, Connie!”

“I was so worried when I couldn’t find you. I thought you had gone on a gem mission or something and were hurt or in space!”

“Connie, what are you talking about?” Steven asked fearfully. “I’ve been here for the whole summer? Yesterday I got strawberry ice cream, and the day before that we went swimming, and we met Luna and Peridita there-”

“Who’s Luna?” Connie asked.

“Luna! Blue dyed hair, dating Peridita, you watched Lion for us once?”

“Watched Lion for you? Steven, what are you talking about?”

“I’m talking,” Steven said, “about my _life_!”

Connie grabbed him by the shoulders. “Steven Quartz Universe! You are the son of Greg Universe and Rose Quartz. You inherited Rose’s gem. You save the world from corrupted monsters, you have a shield and a magic pink lion and healing spit. YOUR MOTHER IS PINK DIAMOND!”

Steven flinched. White blurs were invading the edges of his vision. His stomach hurt. His gem hurt-wait no.

“STEVEN! What’s going on!” a voice yelled from very far away. Steven looked over and saw Pearl, running towards him.

“Your hair’s pink,” Steven said quietly, and fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, oh Steven! It's fine! Connie's just being silly.   
> Just smile, Steven. Just. Smile.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a bright June day, June 14th, and Steven was sitting by the beach.

He was trying to remember what had happened yesterday. Some sort of fight with Connie, about something….his mom?

Ugh, he kept getting headaches.

_ Gemaches,  _ whispered his mind, along with an image of Pearl. Steven blinked white out of his vision and shook his head. 

He stuck a toe in the water. Maybe he should go swimming again. That had been fun last time they’d gone. And maybe they’d see Lapis and Peridot there!

He meant Luna and Perdita, of course. 

“Steven? Are you alright?” Garnet asked.

Steven turned around. Oh, good. Garnet would know what to do. 

“Connie and I had a fight,” he said glumly.

“I know what might cheer you up,” Garnet said, winking one eye. 

“What?” Steven asked. 

“A road trip,” Garnet offered. 

“Yeah!” Steven said. “To where?”

“To see Ruby and Sapphire,” Garnet said. 

Ruby and Sapphire! They were old family friends. And they were important. To Garnet. Somehow? Maybe….they were old friends. But he didn’t remember them. Sapphire had that long white hair and was blind in one eye-wait, she had one eye-wait, no, they didn’t exist..

Steven clung tightly to Garnet’s hand. “Who are they!” he asked, looking up at Garnet. 

Garnet had three eyes-no, she had two, two different colors-

“They’re my sisters-no, I mean wifes-no wait,” Garnet said. “They’re my...daughters? Grandparents?” She looked concerned. 

“GARNET!” Steven yelled, because he had just remembered something very important and his vision was going white white white white

“What?” Garnet said, and she was Ruby and Sapphire and had sunglasses.

“Garnet, you can see the future!” Steven said and then everything was white. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Steven should get his eyes checked out. There's clearly something wrong.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a cloudy day, June 15th, and Steven was very hungry.   
He was eating fry bits and a sandwich and his head had been hurting all day.   
“And I don’t remember _why_ ,” he said to the sky.  
Whenever he thought about Garnet or Connie his head hurt, and his stomach.  
He decided to talk to Amethyst. She’d be in her room.  
But he couldn’t get in her room because he had to activate the-  
“OW!” Steven said. “Okay okay! Fine! I won’t then!”  
Apparently Amethyst was off-limits to his mind too.   
Steven grumbled and settled for going for a fried dough. 


	5. Chapter 5

Rain. June 16th.

Steven stared out the window and drummed his feet on the ground. It was very boring today. Garnet had been pacing in a circle repeatedly, whenever he tried to talk to Connie something weird happened, and Pearl was sitting outside staring at a rosebush and looking traumatized. 

“Yo, little dude!” Amethyst said brightly. 

“Amethyst!” Steven exclaimed in relief. “Are you okay?”

Amethyst blinked, and one hand went to her chest. 

“Yeah, I’m fine!” she said brightly, shaking her head. 

“Good. It’s really great to see you again,” Steven said. 

“Yeah. Hey, where’s Pearl?”  
“Outside,” Steven said. 

“Gardening?”

Steven shrugged.

“Huh,” Amethyst said. 

Steven nodded. Something felt off. It was like his brain itched. 

Amethyst looked nervous. “Steven?”

Steven looked past Amethyst. There was something behind her, a door. 

“Where have you been the past few days?” he asked, forcing the white back from his mind. 

Amethyst’s eyes widened. “I-I don’t know,” she whispered. Her hand went to her chest. “Steven! I don’t know!” 

White white white white

“Steven!”

Steven clenched his hands into fists and managed to open his eyes. Everything was white except for Amethyst, who’s chest had a necklace-no, an gem! A GE-

white

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y̶o̶u̵ h̵̟͛a̶͎̜͆͜v̸̱̲̭́e̷͚͍̪̖̋ n̷͎͈͈̽̍ö̷͚̝̺̻̠͔̱̚ g̵̡̢̢̡̛̛̞̘̻̠͙̗̰̐͗̋̈́͆̈́̋̍̕͠e̵͕͔̔̍̂̑͝m̷̧͐̄

It was a clear, bright day, and it was June 17th. 

Steven was fighting with the white in his mind. He couldn’t remember when he had woken up, but it had been a while ago, he thought. Amethyst was sitting by the counter, staring down.   

“A gem. A gem,” he repeated to himself. The white swirled around him. He could almost see it. He looked up.

“Steven?” Pearl said. 

He saw a door. 

A door. 

“Steven!” Pearl said. She pressed her hands to her head. "Steven, I don't understand!"

If he could just….activate his gem…

Steven stumbled for the door. 

It creaked open. 

"WHERE IS ROSE?" Pearl cried.

He fell inside just before the white consumed his mind. 


	7. Chapter 7

The seagulls were singing on June 18th. Pearl was outside, head in hands, trying to remember pink curls. Garnet sat by the sea, waiting for something--she didn’t know what. Amethyst was at the jewelry store, staring at an amethyst necklace.

Steven was in his mother’s room.

For the first time in days, his head didn’t hurt. No white fogged his vision. 

Of course, he was still in a room that had almost killed him before, and he was really hungry, but other than that, it was really very nice to be here. 

He took a deep breath. “Okay. Room, I’m going to say some things. Can you provide visual aids?”

A giant thumbs-up poofed into existence. 

“What We Know So Far-A Presentation by Steven Universe.”

A Steven poofed up. 

“Um. All the Gems think they’re humans.”

A Pearl, minus gem, showed up. 

“The only way to remind yourself that you’re a Gem is by talking about Gem things.”

A giant Rose Quartz gemstone appeared.

“Connie knows what’s up.”

A Connie wearing sunglasses appeared. 

“Um, any time I think about Gem things, my vision goes white and then I faint or something.”

The cloud Steven from before fell over on it’s face. 

“Oh, and being in your Gem room fixes everything, but it seems like you forget what happened when you come out, because of Amethyst.” 

Steven pulled a piece of paper and pencil out of his gem and wrote all this down. “There. Now I should remember everything. Uh, end presentation.”

All the cloud constructs disappeared. 

“Thanks Room!”

Steven turned to the door and left his room. 

He blinked. 

What had just happened?

He was holding something. Paper. 

He read over it. At the end was  _ Talk to Connie!!!  _ And a picture of a diamond. 

Steven’s eyes opened. He knew what he had to do. 

Then, to his annoyance, his mind decided to white out.

 

A̴ ̵h̷u̴m̴a̸n̵. y̶̱̅o̷̠̿u̷̧͆ ̶̙͒a̴͇͒r̷̼̓ḛ̴̔ ̸͙̾a̵̯̎ ̶͎͆h̷̛̠u̸̜̿m̴͗ͅä̷̭n̴̮̈!S̴͖͕̜̾̉̓t̷͎̑͘ò̷̮̓̈́p̶̛͓̺͖̀̊̊̚ ̴̛̺̥̏͛͆̍͜q̷̢̙̈́̂ú̵̡̢͇̖̗́́̈̍e̶͖̍̉̇̉ŝ̷̪t̴̨͖̐͌̎̔̌i̸̢̼̦̮̘͗̽o̶͈̩̥̕n̸͎̼̒̈́̈ǐ̶̩̃n̶̗̝̆̓̎g̷̥̣̟̈́̈̋͘͝it!̷̻̄ ̶̯̽͑S̵̬̦̿̕͝t̶͖̙̜̒̇̇̓͝ȫ̴̧͎͇͊̔p̶̧̦͙̘̜̄̏͒͑̍ ̴̱̊͒̉̾̅q̴̧͓̼͚͌ṷ̶̻̾e̶͍̒͆̓͝s̶͇̠̥̙̥̿́̑̅t̶͉̩̀̇̑͑i̸̠͂ó̶̝͕͘n̷̳͍̋̀i̷̩͊͗̎̄͝ṉ̷̥̯́̒̄͂͝ͅg̴͍͍͂̋ ̴̛̝͙̜̭̥m̵̛̗̳͎͕͆̄̐ė̶̡̞͘͠!̴͓̈̑̚

 

 

 

 ̷̢̨̡̛̦͓̼̗̤̙̫͖͎͉̣̝̜͔͕̫̫̞̠̖̬͔̘͕̒͆͋̿͛͒̏͝͝I̴̢̧̘̮̱͇̦͖̯̜͈̮̰̯̹͔͓̼̥̮̞̦͑́͋̽̒̿̆̑͑̆͂͋̏͠͝ͅͅş̴̡̣̱̗̥̲͎͍̖̯̹̺̬̙̉͌͒͂̇͊̿̈̈́̕n̷̺͚͋̏̈́͝’̶̢̨̳̝̳̦̻̖̳̱̘̙̮̺͍͓͍̋̾̂̃͋́̊̓̔͋͋̀̉̆͜͜ͅţ̸͍̳͓̩̯̮̤̪̥̻̮̫̯̲̠̟̐̾͑͌̇̈̓̇̇̊̌͗̔͘͘͜͜ ̸̢͔̖̯̪̘̍̏̎̍͌̒͜ţ̷̦̫̗̽h̴̡̿̔̽̽͐̾͐͌̒̇̑͌͝͠͠i̸̧̨̨̡̧̛̞̪͎̰͖̫̦̞̹̗͉̜̘̘͓̮̺̩͛̊͛̀͐̈͑̇͒̀̊̔̀͝ͅs̷̙͓͈̋̅̀̑̈́̃͑̔̏̈́̈̓͗͐̽̑̑͊̽̂͂̊͂́̍̌̚͝ ̴̨̡̛̰̰̭̜̟̱͎̠̬̾̾̍̈́̇̽̎̐͛̈̃̈́̔̎̎̉̃̒̋̔͌̐̋͘͘͝w̸̨̟̞̺̩̱̘̔́̆̓̐̇̿ȟ̶̢͙̳̞̠͕̠͓̯̎͐́͂͗́́̃̈̍̚̕͘̕͝͠å̸̛̫̣̊ͅt̷̡̡̳͔̠̙͇̮̪̮̺͕̦̟̻̻̝̞̜̱͎̜̲̂͌̄̋̃͋́͌̏̑͊̀͐̄͊͊̒͋̑̉̚͠ͅ ̸̢̡̡̢̞̼̼̞̣͓͚̗́y̵͈͋̇̌̉̾̈́͒́̕̚ơ̸̛̲͇͒͌͑̌͛̓̈̈́̇͗̽͊̅͐̕͝ư̵̧̢̢̢̠͕̦̬̮͓̼͖̱̙̹̝͎̙̬̪̪͙͇̳̈́̿͊̈́̉̓̀̄̆̒͛̔̍̚͜͠͠͠ͅ ̴̧̨̣̥̹͔̫̤̝̱̺̖̬̮̗̯̝̞̞̲̝͌̒̆͛̐̾́͛̍̽̀̅̊́͊̾̔̉͌͐͑̍́̓͘͘͜͜ş̵̡̨̛̻̼͉͍̜̥̥̯̻͚̝̥̘̜̹̍̐̽͐̔̆͐̓̄̿̀́́̅̓̊̐̅͘ͅa̵̡̦͇͚͍̮̜͛̒̿͐̾́̀̈͆̋̈̊̓̒̆̿̾̃͛̽̕͘͘̕i̷̢̹̖̱̝̖͙͕̖̥̘͖̦̺̯̟̪̮̳͙͊̊̅̇͆̔̽̏̐̓̾́͘͘̕͝͝d̵̡̛̘̦̣̭̝͓̝̳̮̝̞͈̼̰̤̱̞̜͙̻̝̬̯̒̇͛͌͑̒̔̓͘͘͠͠ͅ ̵̨̰̹̜͇͈͇̹̠̲̣̰̤͔̺̜̰͍͍̀̓̑̓̾̀̈́̓̏͠ỷ̶̢̢͎̥̮̰̞̯͎̙̙̻͙̫͍̬̤̬̻̖͇͖͖͍̹̞̻̀̆̈́̂͋̇͂́͋̆̈́͐͑̂̽́͝͠ơ̶̹̹̯̹̻̬͖̱̗̱͇̈́͆͛͒̔̓͆̂̃̽̃͊͐̎̍̇͂͝ų̶̠͚̟̼̹͉̺̰͉̰͍̲̬̼̟̘̲̩̒̇̀̍̍̅̈̊͗̍́̌ͅ ̸̛̥̿̑̅̓͌w̴̢̛̬͓̺̞͙̖̝̝̬͉̙̭͔͎̝̖̦̐́̇̓̇́͂̌̾͐̕͜͠ͅa̵̢̨̦̥͍̘͖̬͚̪̰̤̘̬͊͂̋̓n̸̡̻̟̫̲̜̯̺̤͉̱͈̖͚̪͓̣̾͒̾́͐͑̌̎̋͗͐́̾͗̓̑́̍̈̆͑̚ţ̷̡̛̤͔͖̮̙̫͍̰̖͎̭̹̲̰̬͖̥̤͐̉̈́̄̑̍̎̓̉͗̄̈̌̉̓̿́̂̈̇͌̒̕̚͘͜͠e̵͕̲̜͓͍̟̪͚̺̗͚̯͙̗̪̿͌̒͠d̸̡̡̧̛̛̙͍̠͚̥̰͙̫̲̗̼̳̫͙̜̭̯͙̳̱̒̌̏̏͗̽͒͛̈́̋͋͊̐̓̈͊̈͂̋̽͠


	8. Chapter 8

The clouds looked like dragons doing epic battle. It was June 19th.  

Steven awoke to Amethyst staring at a can of motor oil. 

“Steven, is this safe to drink?” she questioned. 

Steven looked down at the paper in his hands and everything jumped back at him.

“See you later!” he called, leaving Amethyst to stare at the motor oil.

The boy ran to Connie’s house and banged on the door. 

“Steven!” Connie exclaimed. “Oh, thank goodness. I was wonder-”

“No time!” Steven said, watching white fog curl around his hands. “We have to get to my mom’s room!”

“Okay?” Connie said. Steven took off running and Connie followed. The two collapsed inside Rose’s room after grabbing snacks. 

“Phew,” Steven said. “That’s the longest I’ve been able to resist the white stuff.”

“What?” Connie said. 

“Room, show her what’s been going on,” Steven directed and began to eat his sandwich. He was  _ really hungry.  _

Twenty minutes later, Steven had finished his sandwich and Connie had processed everything. 

“And it’s probably White Diamond,” Steven said. “She seems like she might erase my memories.”

_ Amethyst turning white, white, white, her voice not hers anymore.  _

"She's definitely got some freaky mind-stuff going on," Steven concluded. 

“But why?” Connie said. “I mean, she’s kind of creepy, but she wouldn’t do that for fun. I think.”

Steven thought hard. Now that he was in the room, he could remember almost everything. Some spots were fuzzy still, but- 

“.....OH!”

“What? What?” Connie said eagerly. 

“A while ago, I think the 9th, I was talking to White Diamond and I said that sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we were all humans.”

“Oh!” Connie exclaimed. “So then she must have-”

“-Tried to make it seem like we were!” Steven said.

“In her own twisted White Diamondy way,” Connie said. 

Steven looked Connie in the eyes. “Connie, I’m going to ask you to do something really important.”

“Okay.” 

“I’ll forget everything that happened once we leave this room. You remind me that White Diamond changed our memories to make it seem like we were humans.”

“Okay.”

“And then you have to explain to the Gems what happened.”

“Okay.”

“And I’m going to contact the Diamonds and get our memories back.”

Connie nodded. 

Steven put his hand out. “Jam Buds?”  
Connie put her hand on top of his. “Jam Buds.”

They stepped out of the room. 


	9. Chapter 9

The air hummed with secrets. It was June 20th. The Gems were ready. 

Ruby and Sapphire stood, holding hands. They had struggled the most with this reveal, and Garnet had defused under the confusion, which had caused  _ more  _ confusion, and anyway it was a good thing Connie wasn’t affected by White Diamond, because it took like two hours to explain.  

Pearl stood tall, looking remarkably fine. Rose had been the key-once she’d been reminded of her, Pearl was able to fight off the white about five times. 

Amethyst grinned at Steven. “You got this, dude.” She might not have been entirely sure of what was happening, but her love for Steven remained the same. 

Steven smiled back. 

Connie clutched her new sword in hand. “White Diamond said she’d undo it in precisely three minutes. Right, Steven?”  
Steven frowned. “Who is White-augh, I hear myself. Owww.” 

"Whoever she is, she better undo this...thing,” Peridot said. She and Lapis, having had the least interaction with Steven, had the most trouble, and Peridot was still convinced she was called Peridita, but they knew something important was about to happen.

The hum rose to a buzz. 

The sky went white.

Everything went white. 

And then a rainbow burst across the sky and everything went back to normal.

“Woo hoo!” Steven said. 

Peridot blinked. 

Lapis put a hand over her mouth. “I can fly!”

Peridot’s eyes widened. “Steven! STEVEN!”

“Yeah Peridot?”

“You’re a clod!”

Steven laughed.

“You’re a clod! And you’re a clod! And you’re a clo-aww.”

Ruby and Sapphire were dancing joyfully, giggling with joy. They swirled together and fused back into Garnet. 

“Thank you, Steven,” she said. 

“No problem!” Steven said with relief. His headache had finally stopped.   

Amethyst had shapeshifted into a bug. “Ah, I missed knowing how to do this.”

“So what now, Steven?” Pearl said, twirling her spear. “Everyone else is celebrating being a Gem again.”

Lapis loop-de-looped over their heads, laughing her head off. 

“Well, with all the fainting and mysteries, I’ve had like, no time to eat. So first, I’m going to eat a hot dog,” Steven said.

And they did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D  
> What a nice, fluffy AU!  
> (Seriously though, it's satisfying to get this all finished. My first complete story!)  
> (Also, did anyone notice that the weather got progressively weirder? It went from "bright" and "sunny" June days to "seagulls singing" and then to "the air hummed with secrets.")


End file.
